I know I shouldn’t be questioning my self-worth over some scumbag but the unanswered or avoided questions he left are being answered by the demons of my imagination and as a result I’ve been unable to eat, sleep, or be in a state of non-panic for the past few weeks
next fall, i am reapplying to art major after being rejected the first time.
and i know rejection and failure is something everyone (especially those trying to pursue the arts) has to experience. but i’m failing at the baseline level, just trying to get into fucking art school.
if i were looking to be a gallery/commercial artist, i’d probably try to carve my own path at this point. but i want to be involved in arts education and no parent is going to let me any near their kid without a degree. i dislike the masturbatory, self-indulgent atmosphere of art school though, so i’m not sure how tolerable three years of “let me project images of women giving blowjobs, trace over them in ballpoint pen during critique, and call it a piece of performance art on repressed childhood memories!” will be. (that piece was entertaining, i will admit that. but infuriating and problematic at the same time!!!)
what to do, what to do